All of us owe something to someone. When positive influences have made our lives better, we should be grateful. But gifts should be freely given and allowed to be freely accepted. Receiving a favor should not mean that we incur a debt to be paid. This expectation can turn happy thankfulness into 'the burden of gratitude.'
It's easy to misjudge others. Since no one truly knows the hidden nature of another person, it pays to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Still, we all know the feeling of being maneuvered into something, and few of us enjoy the experience. Unfortunately, sometimes a giver of gifts has an agenda beyond making the recipient of their kindness happy.
Gratitude is a positive emotion unless experience has taught us that there's be a catch. It's also possible that, if we don't like the giver, we will resent being put into the position of having to say 'Thank you.' Sometimes we can be of two minds about it, liking what we are given but feeling that we're somehow compromised if we accept.
Maybe a parent has done something especially generous. Perhaps a coworker has praised us to a manager or selected us for a task force. This is fine if the gesture is sincere, freely given, and final. If something is demanded in return, now or later, then we may decide the price is too big to pay or that the 'gift' is a booby trap.
If a coworker does you a favor and then expects something in return, you may wish the whole thing had never happened. Sometimes a person is really trying to put you under an obligation rather than doing you a good turn. If they expect some kind of collusion from you that you feel is unprofessional or even dishonest, it can be a real problem. You will have to choose who you will be loyal to, your 'friend' or your employer.
If a fellow employee does us a favor, he or she may have a right to expect something in return. If their expectations are reasonable, an exchange of favors can strengthen the working relationship. However, if the coworker demands silence about improper procedures or wants a unearned commendation, this makes the 'debt' we owe onerous and maybe even dangerous.
Sometimes we may not even feel grateful in the first place. However, we have to work well with others if at all possible. A positive gesture on the part of another calls for some reaction. A thank you note, more regular visits to a parent, remembering to pray for someone, or deciding to 'pay it forward' are all suitable reactions. You may have to work through your own feelings of resentment or suspicion; allowing someone else to disrupt your tranquility is silly.
Of course, being in the wrong (however slightly) doesn't mean you feel any better about the situation. You may have to put up with the imposition of gratitude, if the relationship is important to you or your job depends on it. Otherwise, you might be able to change the dynamics (change jobs or move out of state) to make sure you won't have to endure this again.
It's easy to misjudge others. Since no one truly knows the hidden nature of another person, it pays to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Still, we all know the feeling of being maneuvered into something, and few of us enjoy the experience. Unfortunately, sometimes a giver of gifts has an agenda beyond making the recipient of their kindness happy.
Gratitude is a positive emotion unless experience has taught us that there's be a catch. It's also possible that, if we don't like the giver, we will resent being put into the position of having to say 'Thank you.' Sometimes we can be of two minds about it, liking what we are given but feeling that we're somehow compromised if we accept.
Maybe a parent has done something especially generous. Perhaps a coworker has praised us to a manager or selected us for a task force. This is fine if the gesture is sincere, freely given, and final. If something is demanded in return, now or later, then we may decide the price is too big to pay or that the 'gift' is a booby trap.
If a coworker does you a favor and then expects something in return, you may wish the whole thing had never happened. Sometimes a person is really trying to put you under an obligation rather than doing you a good turn. If they expect some kind of collusion from you that you feel is unprofessional or even dishonest, it can be a real problem. You will have to choose who you will be loyal to, your 'friend' or your employer.
If a fellow employee does us a favor, he or she may have a right to expect something in return. If their expectations are reasonable, an exchange of favors can strengthen the working relationship. However, if the coworker demands silence about improper procedures or wants a unearned commendation, this makes the 'debt' we owe onerous and maybe even dangerous.
Sometimes we may not even feel grateful in the first place. However, we have to work well with others if at all possible. A positive gesture on the part of another calls for some reaction. A thank you note, more regular visits to a parent, remembering to pray for someone, or deciding to 'pay it forward' are all suitable reactions. You may have to work through your own feelings of resentment or suspicion; allowing someone else to disrupt your tranquility is silly.
Of course, being in the wrong (however slightly) doesn't mean you feel any better about the situation. You may have to put up with the imposition of gratitude, if the relationship is important to you or your job depends on it. Otherwise, you might be able to change the dynamics (change jobs or move out of state) to make sure you won't have to endure this again.
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